So sue me

It's been awhile since I bothered posting here. Mainly because my life has been a series of up and down for quite some time. So, finally having a free moment to do more than simply check my Myspace page, I thought I might be able to go ahead and catch you all up to speed. So to speak.

First and foremost - The Princess Pea's father and I are talking about trying to work it out. I don't know that the relationship can be saved, but it's worth a shot. So I'm taking it. If it can't be, at least I can say I tried all I could to hold it together, and leave it at that.

Second - The Princess Pea is now 10 months old. Quite the changed creature from the one I had so many months ago. I can't believe that within such a short time she will be a year old. It feels like I just had her! She's crawling now, and pulling up, and cruising around holding onto things. Hands included. She can wave bye bye. She's grown so much, and I honestly don't know if I'm ready for it.

Third - Getting my ducks in a row. As much as they can be afterall. Dealing with everything that comes my way. Trying to remain sane, without letting too much weigh me down. It's hard, but I manage. I just happen to get more and more gray hair from it. HAHA!

Now, for the upside. There has been a few good things going on.

Easter came and went. However, I did get to see my cousin Matt. He came in for Easter from Ohio. ( Didn't I just kiss that stinking place goodbye?! )
I FINALLY got to see my adopted brother, Tiger. Thank god for small miracles. He seems to be doing well. It's funny, you never realize how much you've missed someone, until they are back around and you can once more consider them a part of your life. He appears to, if nothing else, tolerate the Princess Pea. Who is fasinated with Him. Quite funny actually. My old friend, Hedgehog had a baby girl about five weeks ago. I'm so happy for her. Though I admit, it is a little startling to think of the Hedgehog as a Mommy. I suppose that's it for good news. Without continually running on about the bright spot in my life ( The Princess Pea ) So, I will end here and say to you all Bright Blessings, and Good Night!

Oh Yippee!

It's another day of job hunting - Don't suppose any of you know of any job openings do you? Just finished putting out a bunch of resume's on Monster.com. Guess that kind of rounds out my day. HAHA. Anyway, not much going on here. No life. Not romantically or otherwise. Sad, I know. Kind of keep hoping someone actually wants to see me, yet no doors have opened. Suppose I am once more the enigma. The unknown. Hope you all are doing alright. Know that you are in my thoughts and heart - always.

Baby it's cold outside

Another day of snow and chill. Not to mention the cold I've got ( along with the Princess Pea ) but, we are both doing as well as we can I suppose. Can't say I've been doing much aside from job hunting and all that jazz. Wish I had a life, but I don't. Most of the people I once hung out with live night lives - and having a baby, I can no longer live that kind of life. I miss hanging out and doing things, but, such is life. I wouldn't trade my daughter to have all that back. She is far more special to me than a million different nights out.

I hope all of you are well. You are missed by me.

YAY!!!!

Here I am in Colorado. Thank the heavens above for such wonders! Needless to say, I got here, and only found out afterward everything that's been going on. Go figure. HAHA. And then, to top it off - this last Wends...there was a HUGE blizzard. Pretty close to the blizzard of 03. Kinda scary.

Then, lets add something to that - The Eagle is worried I will find someone else before He gets out here. Now, I know I have a fickle nature, however....He's all I've thought about since He and I split many years ago. Sure, my life went on, but my mind still stuck on him. Why is this? Obsession? Love? Who knows. All I know, I will wait around for him. Wait for him to be able to get out here. I understand how the lack of fundage goes, and I am not about to throw a fit simply because He's not here. Even if I would love for him to be. I hope the Eagle understands my faith and commitment to this whole thing. If He doesn't, I suppose one day He'll fully comprehend it all.

I hope to see you all soon. Take care and have a Merry Christmas!!!

Last post, until I have a computer again

Here it is the 13th of December - The Princess Pea is officially 6 months old. YAY! She's cutting her first tooth ( on the bottom row of her jaw ) Today is also my LAST day in Hicksville Ohio. THANK GOD!! I can't wait to be home! I really can't wait. Tomorrow night, I will be home. With my family. With my daughter. And once more around those who know me better than most. So, I bid you all a fine fare well, and promise that eventually I will post once I am able. To those of you that I know read this - I will either see you soon, or I shall miss you dearly. To those of you who read this that I do not know, Bright Blessings and a Very Merry Christmas to you all.

Soon to be

Soon enough I leave. I can't wait to return Home. Home to my family. Home to things I know and understand. I leave the 14th, and arrive the same day at 6 pm. A five hour flight with my daughter ( and my cat...thanks to the Eagle ) and poof, there I'll be. I can't wait. I truly can't wait. I am soon to be gone from this place known as Hicksville, and once more back home in the wonderful Colorado. It seems to me that things are simply flying. Time, has sped up to an almost quick draw speed and I am left watching it all pass by. I'm excited, and nervous about returning home. Mainly because it's been a year and a couple months, and when I left I was a different person, than the one who is coming home now. I can't wait to see some people, but other people I would rather just avoid. My life and mentality has changed from what they once knew, and I am quite unsure that I have anything in common with those people anymore. I am looking forward to seeing the entirity of my family. And this year I get to see my cousin as well. Since we all pretty well figure this will be my grandfathers last Christmas, I think we're going all out to make it special. For him, and for us. I keep wondering idly how everything will go down. How many of my family will simply let me forget the negative stuff and enjoy the happiness ? How many of them will simply accept that I am a mother, and therefore it is I who will choose what is best for my infant daughter? I don't know. I know it will be a culture shock to all of them. After all, this is ME we're talking about. I seriously doubt they comprehend what to expect. And, if they do, I doubt they know to what extent. The only person who might have half a clue, is the Bug. After all, she was here the first month after the Princess Pea was born. So, why wouldn't she understand at least a little of my mothering skills. Nevertheless, I don't worry about her commentary, as much as I do my mothers, grandmothers, and my uncles wife. I just know someone is going to comment, and I am going to have to put them in their place. After all, this is my life - and my daughters life now. No one elses.

I shall be away from online for awhile ( except the spare moments I manage to use my sisters or grandfathers computer ) But, on the plus side - I will be home. I will be back with the people that, despite my worry and nervousness, I adore beyond measure.

So, while this is my last post for awhile, I do wish you all a wonderful Christmas. A happy new year, and all the blessings that come with it. May your days be merry and bright my friends.

P.S. All the wonderful Calvin and Hobbes comic strips, are humor. And, I honestly thought the Sandcatt might get a kick out of them if He still bothers to read my blog!

Lets say thanks

I believe, whole heartedly that we ought to send our thanks to the men and women fighting for our freedom. Our country, and our safety. So thinking, I have found a site where you can go, pick out a card to send, pick a message ( or write your own ) and have it sent. All FREE!

http://www.letssaythanks.com

These men and women of the service need to hear they are appreciated. That they are remembered. And most of all, that people are waiting for them to come home. Take a moment, and send the card. It will make someone's day brighter.

On another note - 3 days!! Only 3 days and I'm headed HOME! I can't wait. Truly, can't, wait!!

Shattered Illusions

With one movement. One idle thought. One misplaced hand, all illusions can be shattered. Such has happened. One I called friend, dearest friend, for a decade.....has wronged me worse than any other could ever do. Once, I thought being hit, being cheated on was the worst. Now, I know better. I was harmed in one way a woman can probably never forget. For it burns it's image upon my heart. My trust, is shattered. My illusions of the one who wronged me, are no more. I cannot forgive this readily. I cannot accept apologies. Such is the will that mangled this heart. How can I openly trust, again?

I don't know...

I don't know what to call this post, except idle ramblings once more. Though I must say thank you to my dear Tiger, for pointing out Counting errors. However, I hope He realizes that I was counting the day I was on as well. Either way, I never said I was good at math, infact I believe I always said the opposite. HA!

Today was spent mostly at Doctors appointments. Either for myself, or my daughter. Getting medical records, etc etc, so that when I get to Colorado I have all my ducks in a row so to speak. Not that I couldn't have gotten them later, it's just easier to get now. Instead of waiting. The Princess Pea is now officially longer than she is heavier. Which is to say, her weight has dropped in comparison to her length. YAY! Today she weighed in at 18 pounds, 27.5 inches. Not to shabby for a six month old. She is, as always, perfectly healthy. The only bane of today's appointment? Shots. I hate seeing them jab her with needles. And the crying she does due to such agony is just miserable on my heart.

Today, was also the visit from the At Home Nurse ( thanks to the Hospital's wonderful health care system - a true marvel all the things small towns do for babies ) The Princess pea was assessed and is once more ahead of the game. Doing things older babies are doing. Minus the crawling of course. Though, I don't think it will be long til that happens either. I had to let the home nurse know what was going on, and so it was the last visit. A shame, because I truly liked the at home nurse. She was great.

Moving on, got everything packed up, and ready to go. YAY. I honestly can't wait to be out of here. For numerous reasons. I'm trying not to be bitchy, complain or redundant, however I simply can't handle the way some people expect me to entertain them every waking moment. I do have an infant, therefore I do have something more important than kissing someone's ass. As usual, I'm ranting. Letting steam go. I find that this blog is wonderful for that.

9 days and counting.......ready yet?

( hope I got that right, or Tiger will give me no end of grief! )

11 days and counting

I really don't mean to continue posting EVERY single day til I hit Colorado. However, I find in my free time ( which is quite small all things considered ) that I need the time to vent. Vent frustrations about packing, moving. About the Rabbit. About the In-Laws. About everything. I try very hard to not worry about it. To say to myself my time here is short, therefore I don't really have to worry about much of anything. However, such stresses and small things are chipping away at my resolve. I find myself biting my tongue more often then not, simply to keep the peace. I just don't know what I am to do. Honestly. I don't know how to let it all roll off my back any other way. I suppose it all falls down to something we're all typically taught as children.

" If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all "

And so, that is what I've been trying to do. Trying in vain most times. But still trying. I was thinking of things I'd miss in Hicksville. Things that made this 'worth' it. I came up with a very small list. I'd miss my dear friend and her husband. I'd actually miss my neighbors. They've been wonderful people to know. I'd miss the quiet nature of this small town. The lack of crime, sirens and whatnot. I'd miss the simple pull that is quiet town life. However, the list of things I will NOT be missing, is so much longer than that. It's amazing really. While I rejoice in the quiet now and then, I can honestly say, I'll be glad to get back to a real city. A real life. Where lights can be seen 24/7. Where I can actually get my milk at 3 am if I have to. Where things, including grocery stores, are open on Sunday. Where my family is. Home is where the heart is, and while My Daughter and I make that heart beat - My Home...is with my insane, slightly obnoxious, definately dysfunctional family. How I love and miss them.

12 days and counting

Ok, so it's like the twelve days of Christmas. Only earlier for me. WAY earlier. I honestly can't WAIT to be in Colorado already. I will leave it at that, smile because I know my time here is short, and pray that all goes well for me til then.

On another note - I want to share the 12 Days of Christmas, Fire and Rescue Style. A loving Tribute to all those hard working Paramedic's AND EMT's out there, who very rarely get the thanks they deserve! Thanks so much guys and gals! You are indeed the reason many of us live another day!

On the First day of Christmas, my Dispatcher gave to me...

Grandma who fell and hurt her knee...

On the Second Day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me...
2 MG of Narcan for the out of work person who wants to end it all by taking her Husband's pain pills and won't tell me what she took and is feeling suicidal....

and grandma who fell and hurt her knee.

On the Third day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me....
Three stacked shocks for the 88 year old man who instead of paying the neighbor kid 5 bucks to shovel his driveway, decided to do it himself and have the big one in the driveway...

2 Mg of Narcan for the psycho chick trying to off herself...
and grandma who fell and hurt her knee..

On the Fourth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me....

4 AM in the morning I have to go to the nursing home because someone has had the flu for like 16 years and all of a sudden needs to go to the hospital....NOW,...

Three Stacked shocks for the full arrested popsicle,
2 MG of Narcan for Morphine eating Momma...
and Grandma who fell and hurt her knee....

On the Fifth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me...
Five minutes to eat.....

4 AM shuttle call,
Three stacked shocks,
2 MG of Narcan,
and Grandma who fell and hurt her knee....

On the Sixth Day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me....
Six run reports behind because the computer guy can't fix the system...

Five Minutes to eat!!!!!!!!!!
4 AM Shuttle,
3 zaps to the chest,
gonna have a stomach pumped,
and grandma who fell and hurt her knee...

On the Seventh day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me...Seven car pile up while everyone was trying to beat the light so they can get into Wal Mart the day after Thanksgiving thinking there is only 4 dancing Elmo Dolls...
six reports behind...

Five minutes to eat.......
4AM is way to early,
3 stacked shocks,
2 of Narcan Pushed,
and grandma who fell and hurt her knee....

On the Eighth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me....Eight flights of steps to walk up to get the 400 pound person who is having shortness of breath since LAST Christmas and can't walk...oh, and of course, the elevator doesn't work...

7 cars a crunching,
six reports a writing,
Five minutes to eat.
4 AM shuttle,
CPR in progress,
2 MG of Narcan,
and grandma who fell and hurt her knee...

On the ninth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me Nine blankets
needed to cover up grandpa because he is freezing and we aren't even out of the house yet but thinks he will get pneumonia and die for all of the 10 seconds we
are outside...

Eight flights of stairs,
should have stayed home and bought it off of Ebay,
six reports I'm writing...
Five minutes to eat.....
What the Hell time is it,
should have paid the kid,
2MG of Narcan,
and grandma who fell and hurt her knee.

On the Tenth Day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me...
Ten Minutes till I can get a bed in the ER because the nurses are busy figuring out who is going to lunch next....

Nine blankets needed,
Hope fire department is coming,
7 cars a crunching,
six reports I need to write,
Five minutes to eat...
Can't you wait till morning,
stick a fork in him, he's done,
Man I hope she shuts up...
and grandma who fell and hurt her knee.

On the Eleventh day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me....
Eleven times I tried to get the heat to work in the back of the truck
and maintainence won't take the truck in...

ten minutes waiting,
Nine blankets needed,
eight flights of steps to climb,
Hope you have Progressive,
Give me a new ink pen...
Five minutes to eat....
4 AM is early,
3 Leads all show he's dead,
2 MG won't touch her..
and grandma who fell and hurt her knee...

On the Twelth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me...
a 12 Gague IV needle that I put into the drunk 19 year old who tried to swing at me...

it's really freezing,
Hope you choke on your sandwich,
9 blankets for grandpa,
How did you get up here in the first place,
man your husband is gonna be pissed,
six reports STILL down...
five minutes to eat...
Better than taking them back,
Hope I recorded the code,
Man, just pass out already...
and grandma who fell and hit her knee...

Merry Christmas!!

14 days and counting....

Today hasn't been the best of days for me. I find myself being quite irritated far too easily. Nothing in particular mind you, just all the little things. I know I shouldn't dwell on them, and yet I do. Crazy thing is, I suppose in a way it gives me something to fret about. Since, everything else is taken care of. Life is, I suppose, as it should be. The Princess Pea is doing wonderfully. Growing like a weed and doing new things every day. Her development is right on track. At least as far as I am concerned. I am doing equally as well. Health is good, stress level is down considerably. All in all, everything is going just as expected. Yet, I still find myself irritated that people, certain people, are breathing My Air. Taking valuable oxygen from my lungs. Such is an irritation that I can't help. Sorry to say. I simply am. It shall pass I know, once I am back in Colorado. Around my friends and family. Until then, I must be thankful for what I have. What is happening right now. I have a pretty decent life. I can't complain. After all, I have my bright spots. The things that make me smile. I have the Eagle, and the Princess Pea. What right have I to complain? Other then the fact it is human nature. I must remember though, the things I do not have, I do not have because of my own choosing. Not because something or someone keeps them from me. I must strive for these things on my own. Go out, and grab them with gusto. And so thinking, I shall. I will go out, get what I want and make it my own. Blissfully. 14 days and counting. 14 little days and I will be home. Are you sure you are ready?

16 days and counting

In a little more than 2 weeks, I'll be back in Colorado. I can't believe it! I honestly feel like I still have a done of stuff to do! Even though I know much of it has been accomplished already. Time certainly flies when you are having fun. I suppose I've just been too busy packing, juggling things and all that to think about what day it was. That was, until tonight. In sixteen days I will be back around my family, my friends. The people I care about. It's mind blowing. Certainly, because I've been flying around taking care of last minute details is likely why I would think that time has been flying past me without pausing. Ahh well.

16 days folks. That's all. 16 days. Are you prepared for it?

Friendships

I must admit, my mind as of late has been thinking of many things. Today, it was Friendships. Old and New. Treasured and forgotten. So many different directions to go. I wonder idly, how many friends one makes in a life time. How many of those friends are true friends? The true ones stick by you, even if they think you are crazy for doing what you do. The true ones actually care what is happening with you, or whats happened. The fair weather friends, are in it only for themselves. Only there for their own gratification. How many of my friends, or those I call Friend - are fair weather, or True? I can't say I know to be honest. I can't say who falls under what catagory. Until today, I can't say I even bothered to think about it. Yet, there it is. Some friends are silver, some are gold. To my Golden Friends - I can only say thank you for being there. Through everything. Through all the changes, the pain, the joy, the happiness. For being there to pull my butt out of the fire, or teach me how to stop and smell the roses. To those friends, I say thank you. I could not have made it to where I am without you. To the others, fair weather, I am sure you know who you are. If you choose to be a friend, a true friend...only you can change the course of events. Only you, can make the effort to speak to me, to wonder how I am for once. To talk to me before I have to make the first step. Sometimes, those steps are yours to take, and I for one, no longer wish to take them. I have tried, numerous times to patch fences. To make ammends. To what end? For in certain my trials have garnered me nothing. Except maybe yet another knife in the back. To you fair weather friends, I say thank you to what you have offered. What little you could give. Yet, I find myself also saying goodbye. Maybe someday we'll meet again, and that time, one or both of us - shall be Gold.

Upgraded

Alright, I've upgraded to the 'new' blogger method. Maybe now they'll stop bugging me so much every time I try to put a post on this dang thing about updating. Of course, that's just my wishful thinking. HA!

Another day has gone by, another few boxes packed away to be put on a truck and moved to Colorado. Personally, I can't wait. To be around my family again. To be around the usual insanity of them...it's a bright blessing for me. Once more, they open doors and hearts for me. Something I'm sure they tire of. I try to be of help to them, yet most times I simply fail in that effort. Nevertheless, they are there for me now, and that is certainly what counts. I've honestly missed them all. From being able to talk to my best friend, who happens also to be my Grandmother. To seeing my mothers latest thrilling read or, latest tangent. Knowing that the Bug will be around to annoy me endlessly. Heck, I even get to see my cousin! Definately something I can't wait for. I haven't seen him in awhile. What, at least a year or so? I can't remember. I just know it's been awhile. Time changes everything. From the way the road curves to the mountains that greet us when we look out our window as we pass by. Everything changes, and in this - so have I.

I have shifted from being the Leopard who wanted nothing more than to be happy. From the selfish, uncaring wench that I once was. With ( I am told ) a horrible attitude. To a Mother. To someone who has something more important than themselves to look after. To take care of. I always wanted to be a mother, and now I am. The sheer amount of joy in knowing that I brought that little girl into the world. That my arms were the first arms to hold her when she cried. That my lips, were the first to brush her tiny brow - these are things, memories that no one can take from me. No one can possible know my joy. As for each person, such joy is different. I know I am a good mother. I know I may be considered overprotective. I know that I have my rules and ways. I just hope that each of them, is right for my daughter...and likewise for me. The choices I make now, no longer impact only me. They impact the Pea. That, is something I will forever more have to take into account. Forever more, I shall have to remember that there is something more spectacular out there than anything else someone, anyone could offer me. My Precious Daughter. My pretty in Pink, Princess Pea.

Survey Says?!

Ok, normally I wouldn't post something like this on my Blog - however, it struck me as something to do tonight. Deal with it. If you feel the need, e-mail it back to me. If you want to comment on it, feel free. If not, oh well. It's just for fun. Right?


1. FIRST NAME? Maegan
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? November 22, 2006
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Not really.
5 WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Ham
6. KIDS? Yes, a daughter
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yes.
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Yes.
9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Perhaps
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes.
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Nope.
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Golden Grahams
13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Yes
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Yes.
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Rocky Road
16. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Eyes .
17. RED OR PINK? Pink!
18. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My butt.
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My Grandmother
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Sure!.
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Pink plaid pants, no shoes
22. THE LAST THING YOU ATE? A frozen pizza.
23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Cars ( the movie )
24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Grass Green
25. FAVORITE SMELL? Clean dirt, Cinnamon Apples
26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My sister
27. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yeah
28. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? Coke
29. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Baseball
30. HAIR COLOR? Red
31. EYE COLOR? Green
32. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No
33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Scary movies
34. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Yours, Mine and Ours.
35. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Gray
36. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses
37. FAVORITE DESSERT? Cheesecake!!.
38. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Not sure
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Not sure
40. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? A romance novel
41. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? My mouse?
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST ON TV? as in TV show? Umm, Law and Order
43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? I don't know.
44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Neither.
45. THE FURTHEST YOU BEEN FROM HOME? I went to Canada, does that count?
46. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Yes
47. WHEN WERE YOU BORN? September 17
48. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Jacksonville NC
49. DO YOU HAVE A PET IF SO WHAT IS IT? A cat, 5 years, named Nemisis

Idle thoughts, of an idle mind

So many things are swimming through my head. So many different thoughts. So, I come here in hopes to get them out. It seems lately one of the safest places to do so. Considering few read this blog, I'm not really shy about getting my thoughts out anymore. Besides that, they are my thoughts. They are things that tend to sit in my mind - even when told not to worry about them. So, here I shall vent. I contemplate firstly, my ability of being a Mother. I'd like to think I was a good mother. I tend to Becca every moment of every day. She wants for nothing. She needs for nothing. Yet, I feel as I am sure most mothers feel when they have a child. Invisable. Less attractive. Over worked, and certainly running on a lack of sleep! I do not mind missing sleep so much. I've found I manage myself quite well on five hours of sleep a day. Sometimes less. Then, I wonder idly on my ability as a daughter. some part of me still feels a huge failure to my own mother. Like nothing I have done, or could do will ever earn me the words " I am proud of you". I know I've touched on such before, yet there it is. Once again a shadow in the back of my mind. Perhaps it shall always haunt me. I don't know. It is a vain wish, I know. But still it is there. I wonder truthfully, what the Eagle see's in me. Oh trust me, I am grateful for whatever it is, it is simply a thought that often occurs to me. I was persistant. I was a pain in the butt. I was completely and undeniably pig headed. Yet, something about me endeared me to him for the rest of our exsistance. However long or short that may be. I worry about returning to Colorado. I've no longer the desire to get in touch with the crew I once hung out with. No wish to see any of their faces. ( and no, I'm not talking about Tiger, Sandcatt or the Bug ) I'm just not sure I have anything in common with them anymore. I've different priorities. I just don't know. I feel like right now everything is in the air - I'm just hoping in the end, it will land without crushing me.

New Web Site

Ok, so I went and created the Princess Pea her own web site. Currently, it could be better...but for now, it will do. If you are curious feel free to visit the link below!

http://www.ourbabynews.com/livesoftware/main.asp?sitename=theprincesspea


All my love!

Open Mouth, Insert Foot?

I admit my mouth tends to overload itself. Or rather, to quote a book by the Great and Mighty Stephen King that I just finished reading " Why can't I seem to shut my everlasting mouth?" Last night, I could have lost everything that meant anything to me. Fortunately, the one I did it with, the wonderous Eagle is smart and knew me better than to be offended by my ranting, raving and general commentary. Thank the Gods for that. Yet, here I am the next day worried that what I said would be carried with him for longer than it should be. I worry that He took what I said to heart, instead of understanding that I was simply ranting.

So many things we've talked about. Me and the Eagle. Running through present, past and future with little care. Talking about what we wanted now, versus then. What was important to us now, versus then. So many different things, so many heartfelt whispers in the night. How can such small things, such small romantic notions mean anything to anyone else. Except perhaps myself. He will never realize the impact He's had on me. Then, and now. He will never realize the length I will go to for Him. He'll never understand just how deep He can cut me, without even knowing it.

We've broken each other, in all the best ways. We've made the wonderful realization that it's alright to be exactly who we are at this moment, and still be loved for it. Pardon my insane ranting, but my fondness, my adoration of the Eagle knows no bounds. It is not held apart and unseen. Rather it is much like the sun. Shining brightly so everyone might feel, and see what I feel.

But enough of that - I must return to reality. Reality tells me it is time to feed the Princess Pea. That I need to take care of the Hounds. And that I need to turn on my porch lights for my dear friend the Elk when she comes to get her dog. Which, hopefully will be soon!

All my love to you.

Star light, Star Bright......

So here it is Friday night and ( after having a little shock seeing Sandcatt FINALLY post ) I figured I would go ahead and post myself. I can't say much has been going on in all honesty. I spend the majority of my days packing and taking care of the Princess Pea. So far, it really doesn't look like I'm keeping a whole lot of stuff. Which makes me happy ( yay purge! ) and will no doubt make my Grandmother happy ( not alot of space to store things ) Meanwhile, it's only a few weeks left until I leave for Colorado. Until I finally get to relax in the arms of my loving family once more. How I've missed them. Truly. I can't believe how swiftly time appears to be flying now. It's as though someone has hit the fast forward button. As is, The Princess Pea is Five months old, and I am still amazed by that. For me, it feels like I just brought her home. That I just started this whole Mommy path. I did however find out that an old pal from High School is pregnant, and Having a girl. So, yay for her. Glad the HedgeHog could finally settle down with someone. Again, can't wait to see you all. That means ALL of you. The Tiger, The Bug, The Sandcatt ( who I really, really would like to touch up my tattoo's!! -cheesy grin- ) That's the daily minutes. I hope you are all well and happy. All my love to you.