The Party

So I went to the Halloween party. Mainly because Bran Muffin encouraged me to do so. Get out of the house. Have a bit of fun. Enjoy life. Princess Pea and I went as Faeries. As I said we would. She was absolutely adorable! Me however, well I kept getting caught in doorways since my wings were so large. I forgot my camera, so no pictures - however other people remembered theirs and promised to make sure that I would get copies. YAY! It actually wasn't a bad get together/party. Everyone had a good time. And as usual, my friend threw a pretty decent bash. Fortunately, it was mostly her family that came ( in laws included ) and I happen to get along quite well with all of them. I particularly like her sister in - law. A sweetheart.

Moving on, I have a FULL plate tomorrow. Got to get up early, clean, scrub, cook, and then get ready for My Guests to show up. Other then that, life is good. Today went well ( although I am officially BEAT ) and I can't wait for tomorrow to arrive.

Til next time all you boils and ghouls. Enjoy your Halloween, and remember...

Sugar High = GOOD!

A new format

Goodness, I hope this turns out alright. Of course, it might just be replaced with the old one in a day or two. However, I do like the 'top secret' thing. Thought it was cute. Not sure I edited it correctly, but I suppose we'll see. Today was a completely horrid day weather wise. Nothing but fog, rain and the occassional light flicker. So, the Princess Pea and I didn't even get our usual walk in. A shame, because that's typically a form of relaxation for me. Getting out, wandering around the park...it all works. Anyway, two days until the Eagle lands. I honestly can't wait, but then I've been saying that for nearly two weeks now I suppose.

In other news, I heard that my Grandfather is doing better. YAY! The powers that be know I worry about Him ( and my Grandmother ) I'm sure I will relax on that front once I get back to Colorado. Due to living with them for the time being.

Anyway, I suppose I ought to go shower and all that jazz. Supposed to go to a Halloween Party tomorrow with Princess Pea, and currently I'm not really sure I want to go. The weather for one ( I don't like having the Pea out in such chilly weather ) and for two, it's more like a get together for family, then a party. Ahh, I wish I were home.

Chilly days, rainy nights

Currently I think the outside temperature is maybe thirty degree's and it's raining. Making for an absolutely gloomy day. Funny thing is, is I'm in a great mood. Yesterday, probably not so much. But now? I feel great. I've been working on the house, making it look at least semi ok for when company gets here this weekend. It certainly wouldn't do to have anyone walk into a cluttered, or dirty house. The plan this weekend is to go to a Haunted House or two, maybe get some role playing in. Other then that, we're winging it. I still find myself looking forward to being around my family again. Letting them bask in the glow of the Princess Pea and myself ( of course ) while managing to get everything taken care of. I don't know how long I will be staying with my Grandparents. I don't want to put them out, and most definately Princess Pea and I have our own stuff and our own lives to be living. I know it will be difficult, however, I am up for the challenge. I am also looking forward to getting to see you guys again. The Tiger, the Sandcatt ( who I wish I could beg to touch up my tattoo's!! Maybe He'll see this and take pity on me! Besides, maybe I can pay him to do number 10. I have an idea and I'd like to see what He can do with it! ) and of course the Bug. On another note, Eagle has a blog - yet He's not posted on it. We must all rally and make him do so!! How dare he create a name and a blog to post comments on ours, and make nothing on his own!! SHAME ON YOU EAGLE!! Speaking of blogs - Cat and Tiger...don't you ever post anymore? I'd like to know at least what idle musings are happening in your life! Fare thee well my friends. Until I post another day.

All Hallows Eve

Halloween is fact approaching and fortunately I managed to get an outfit together for the Princess Pea, and myself. She is going as a baby Faery, and I found adult wings for myself. Therefore, I guess I'll be the ' Mommy ' Faery. On Saturday we are supposed to attend a halloween party, though I'm not sure that we'll stay long. Having an infant means plans are prone to change. But, we'll see. I hope all of you non posting freaks have a wonderful Halloween. No matter what you decide to do. Enjoy it, it's when we can come out and not get laughed at! HA!

Sold quite a bit of stuff at my garage sale, minus the large furniture items. I will probably take out an ad so that people can see they are still for sale. Never know who might want them. If they don't sell, I suppose the Bunny can just keep them. I'll get new stuff eventually.

The Princess pea is doing great. Absolutely wonderful, even during her cranky moods. I thought she was teething, but it appears that the offending tooth decided not to come out and simply sunk back down. So I guess I'll get to go through the crankiness again when she actually pops out with a tooth.

This weekend I get to see the Eagle again, and I honestly can't wait. It's nice to have him in my life again. Calming, grounding, wonderful.

Money, Money, Money!

Today is day two of my garage sale and not only is the weather cooperating, but I think I might actually run out of things to sell! It's going great. To top it off, the Princess Pea is being a perfect angel and entertaining herself with toys and whatnot while I take care of the customers! I can't believe it! This is (in all honesty) the first garage sale I've done myself and so far so good.If people keep showing up in floods like they have been, I won't have anything left for them to purchase. Heck, someone even bought a few of the nicknacks I thought wouldn't sell. There I go for thinking! If the weather is good tomorrow, I shouldn't have too much left to do. I was worried that I might have to make this a several weekend type thing, but I've been fortunate so far. Let's hope it continues!

Meanwhile, I've been thinking about alot of things. What I will do when I get back to Colorado. Who I will bother contacting and or speaking to again. Most of the people I called friend I've grown away from. We just aren't the same people anymore. Then there are the one's I've left behind because we used to clash terribly, and now we're getting along. But, we shall see. I can't wait to see my family again, and even more then that is the fact I can't wait for everyone ( bug excluded ) to meet the Princess Pea.

Eagle has been amazing through everything. A true friend and a shoulder to cry on when I need to. I know I prattle on needlessly about him sometimes, but truly, I am thankful to have him back in my life. He is most definately a grounding energy. Someone who keeps me level just when I start tipping dangerously.

Ahh well, back to making the cash!

Today's post brought to you by the letter W

Wah! What more can I say? Though I have to snicker and laugh at the banter going on between the Bug and the Eagle. Don't Eagle's feed bugs to their young? Anyway - Now that Eagle has 'permission' to be with me from the Bug, I suppose everything is hunky dory. HAHA! It is really sweet that my sister wants to protect me. It truly is. And despite the fact she doesn't think herself as being a SweetHeart. Her actions prove to the contrary. After all, she is being awful protective of me now isn't she? It is odd to me to have her being so protective. Due to the fact growing up it was I who looked after her. Now all of a sudden she desires to flip the page and look after me. Is that part of being family? Or part of growing up? Or maybe both? Either way, I am thankful she thinks so highly of me. But, I hope she remembers that Eagle was never mean or cruel to me before. He took good care of me and put up with all my less than charming traits. He stayed around when I was sick. He could have left. He protected me. Stood up for me. Helped me in more ways then even I can begin to describe. Then there is the wonderful feeling we both have around each other. Something that not even time can change. It's still there. The rush and press. The bubbling energy that threatens to break the dam. He's a good man. One I am glad, and even thankful to have in my life. Whatever the relationship is between him and I . But enough of that prattle. I will move onto what I am looking forward to. What I am doing. All that mindless jazz which I am sure you all ( who haven't posted on their blogs in quite some time..tsk tsk ) enjoy. I find myself looking forward to the end of the month. The Bunny Foo's date. Then there is the fact I will lay these cat eye greens on the Eagle once more. It's all so close, and yet seemingly so far. However, patience is a virtue. Just one I never seemed to have before. Of course, having a child gives you patience ( or forces you to learn it ) in spades. On the 28th is my friends Halloween party. I was hoping that the Eagle could be there for it, but alas, such isn't to be. So, she will have to deal with having just me and the Princess Pea ( who is going to be a Faery ) Each day I go through a bit more stuff. Trying to get everything together to sell so that I can fund my way back to Colorado. Well, that's not true. Princess Pea and I have a plane ticket already. It's getting the Pea's stuff back to Colorado that I am trying to accomplish. Wish me luck huh? If all goes well, Myself, Princess Pea and the stuff we desire to hang onto will be in Colorado in December. YAY!!!!

Goodie

My Princess Pea is officially 4 months old. Scary thing is, it feels like I just brought her home from the hospital and started doing this whole " Mommy " thing. However, I must say that despite the time that has passed. I still wake every morning with a smile. Because of Her. I am blessed. I am still talking with my Dark Angel, the Eagle. He and I have spent numerous hours on the phone just chatting it up. Exploring our new lives and enjoying that which passes between us so naturally. On a side note, the Bunny Foo has a date at the end of the month. Something which I hope goes well for him and the female He is taking out. Lord knows they could both use someone unlike their 'norm'. Yes, I set up my ex husband. Creepy? Maybe. But then it will give him a chance to move on no?

Worry Schmurry

It's been pointed out to me that I worry too much. Too often. Perhaps I do. Yet I find in myself that I am worrying about those things that affect me. I no longer worry about dinner burning, or chopping up a utensil in the garbage disposal. These, are little things. However, worrying about what will become of me and my daughter seems a solid worry. Something I should be thinking about. Nevertheless, worry I do. Worry I will until I have no reason to. On another note, I have been talking to the Eagle more and more. I quite enjoy our conversations and find myself looking forward to them. It is as if weight lifts from my shoulders simply speaking with him. Ok, you all can laugh, shake your heads and pick on me for that, but fact of the matter is, I enjoy talking to him. Being around him. I feel normal again. Beautiful. Intelligent. I'm not just the invisable mom. He makes me feel wonderful. A feeling no one can laugh at. I can honestly say in this, I am not confused. No, I don't know what will happen. But I do know that right now, I am enjoying what has come my way.

The page turns

Finally the Rabbit has decided to let me go. It only took a decade to get certain points to light. Now, regardless of what people might say. He is a dear friend, and the father of my daughter. So no sharing your ill thoughts alright? After all, He was able to give me the greatest gift of all. My Princess Pea. The great and mighty Squishy Marie.

The Eagle is still very much so in my life. We are talking on the phone, exchanging e-mails and even regular letters. Of course, those that actually know the Eagle know that a letter from Him is like finding something special and antique. Very Rare!

Today I also found out the Bug is now employed! To her I can only say congrats. That I hope it works out the way she wants it to. Save that money. Don't spend it without thought or regard. Don't give in to what others might want you to do with it. Make sure you put a certain amount away per pay day, and only keep out what you have to in order to survive. But, that is my advice. I'm sure she's already gotten tons of that!

I can also thankfully say that my Grandfather is home finally from the hospital. Though I am sure His life is changed. What with needing oxygen now. Puts a real cramp on smoking I bet! HA!

Ahh well, my drugs are finally kicking in. So, I shall end here and say simply that I cannot wait until I am home in Colorado once more.

Oh yes

Oh yes, I intend on being single for quite some time. Simply because I have better things to take care of then some simpering, whining, controlling, obsessive male. HA!

That is unless the ultra divine Matt came back into my life. In which case....all bets are off.


Anyway, had my surgery, so no more kids for me. I'm in pain, and I have to go lay back down. I just wanted to say thank you to you guys. One, for your advice - and two, for letting me know you are still around.

Tiger - Coffee sounds great, even though I still don't drink it. Hope you understand that my Squishy will likely be with me when we do.

Sandcatt - Great Advice. and don't worry, I intend to take it.

Bug - Don't worry, life WILL get better. Until it does, hang with Sandcatt and Tiger as much as they'll let you.

Is anyone out there?

I'm truly starting to wonder to be honest. As my life is right now a clustering of boxes and items too dear to part with. Further are the boxes of items that I will part with, sell and otherwise forget exsisted. Oh me...what can be done except to accept the current situation as it is? Even now, with such happening in my life my mind spins outward. Seeking the Eagle with such joy I shouldn't be allowed to feel.

Yet, feel it I do. Even with my life crumbling down around my shoulders ( albeit quite voluntarily ) I feel such things for someone who once walked away and played the part of never wishing to see me. Can I, should I accept that which fate has brought back into my life? Or should I spin around and walk away? I'm scared. Scared on what future may hold for me, and more importantly for my daughter. The Princess Pea is my first thought. For I will not allow her to grow up confused. That, is something I cannot allow.

Alas, it is time I part ways with this blog. At least for the time being. Perhaps another day my thoughts will have stepped from the fog. Yet I fear that won't happen until I return home to the loving and welcoming arms of my family. Moreso, that it will not happen until the Eagle takes flight once more. Where ever his wings might steal him.

Oh boy...News News News

It's been quite some time since I bothered to post. Numerous reasons for that. For one, there is the fact that I managed to blow up my computer. Now, I know you all are wondering what happened. Lets just say there was a bright flash of light, a popping sound and then smoke. Yippee! For two, I am a mother now, and I don't really have as much time as I used to to play online and all that jazz. Baby first, other things second. And, for three - I've been working on seperating from the Rabbit. Numerous reasons for that - so I will simply leave it at the fact neither of us were happy. I am sure people can understand that reasoning. So many things have happened to be honest. And I'm just not sure where to begin, or even if I want people knowing everything. I can say this much - One thing that has completely and without a doubt lightened my heart is the fact that the Eagle, The Dark Angel has come back into my life. He always did have wonderful timing. Whenever my life seemed like there was no way up, there he is extending his hand and his friendship. I never realized how much I missed him until I saw him again. How my heart ached. I got to see him around my Squishy and I can honestly say that too caused me quite a bit of happiness. To see how good he was around her...amazing. Now, hopefully everyone will take all this as I have said it and NOT put any commentary between the lines so to speak. I've missed you all, I can admit that. In December I will be moving back to Colorado and I honestly can't wait. And yes, my daughter will be with me. Alas, I must leave off here...thunderstorm has blown in and power flickers. Adieu Mon Ami's!

Time for an update

Not that there is much to update. I feel like I post on this dang thing eight times more than anyone else, and I still say it's the Bugs fault for turning me onto this contraption of minor contemplation.

Found out recently that a friend of mine has a crush on me. While I find this flattering and perhaps even a little ego boosting, I'm not quite sure how to take such information. Mainly because having it admitted to me is far different from not knowing. Of course, such is the way with such information. But enough of my mindless prattle on that front.

Part of me truly misses Colorado currently. Perhaps it's the simple fact that I know if I were in Colorado right now I'd be over at my Grandmothers, shooting the breeze, gossiping about people we really know little or nothing about, complaining about prices and fawning over the assorted kids in my family. That is of course, how I spent my days off last summer. I can't wait to go home for Christmas. Mainly because I sorely miss my Grandmother. She is so much more than family to me. She's one of my best friends, and knowing that - distance definately makes the heart grow fonder.

I know I'll make it through this small bout of home sickness, but every now and then it hits me and makes me think of the wonderful times, even the bad times that I went through with my family.

Todays thoughts brought to you by the letter Zzzz

It's been another hectic day. The days here have started out rainy and dreary, only to end heated up by mid-afternoon sun. Hence making it humid and sticky. Now, normally I'd just stay inside and soak up the AC. One problem however, I don't have AC. Except fans in each room and a couple floor fans. Said heat - makes it miserable for myself, my husband, and our baby girl.

Speaking of the Princess Pea - she had her one month checkup and is doing fine. Already she's up to 10 pounds, 5 ounces. Gone from 19 and a half inches to 22 and a half inches. Everything about her is growing and according to the Doctors she's well ahead of the game. They were very pleased with her reactions to things and stimulus. Saying she's in the top of the expected percentile of babies her age. YAY! Could I have a baby genius on my hands? We'll see!

Moving on - had to get rid of my Great Dane. She wasn't safe around the baby. She nipped once when we first brought the Pea home and I thought it might just be jealousy. Unfortunately, she did it again and the safety of my daughter is much more important than keeping a dog.

I suppose that's the minutes. There isn't much going on in my life. I hope the Bug is ok and getting her things together that she needs to accomplish. I suppose I'll find out eventually. Take care and I look forward to reading your posts soon!

Ok, so I'm a sap!

Yesterday I saw the Bug to the bus stop and when I hugged her goodbye I simply cried. I told myself I wouldn't. Told myself that at 26 I am strong enough to say goodbye to someone I love without crying. Unfortunately, I wasn't. I cried. I cried more on the way back home. Already I miss my sister. She was a huge help when she was out here for one. For two she gave me company, and the third thing is that despite her being 16 and therefore onry - she was a good Aunt to the Pea and a good friend to me.

Hopefully she'll pass her GED, get herself a job that she can prove she's stable with and then when she's got the money she can move out here and be with us. Of course, such plans are prone to change, however I can hope right?

Otherwise, things are pretty much back to normal here. Same stuff, different day I suppose.

Wee Haw

Yeah ok, so the title sucks but I couldn't think of anything else in the way of titles. Bite me. Today was rather uneventful. Well, as much as it can be having a two week old baby. HA!
Had a water fight with my husband and sister. Ate left overs. Really nothing spectacular.

Oddly enough however, on my MySpace page I did find an old high school friend. One I hitched a ride with to prom. So that was nice. She's got a couple kids and has been married six years. Congrats to her.

Also, was located by my old friend Niki. I'm not quite sure where that will head to. But, such is life.

And, I have to say that a comment I got on one of my posted pictures at MySpace made me smile ( and dang near cry )

There you go - that's my lot to offer tonight - maybe more another night.

Unfortunately

Well - while I had my daughter fifteen days ago, I have unfortunately had some complications. I thought I was all done with the pain and what not. However my body has different plans. So - depending on my Doctors say so tomorrow I might have to have a DNC. I hear it's nothing huge and that I will make it no problem. However it is still considered a surgery and because such comes with all the risks surgery involves. I admit I'm a little hesitant and scared. But if I don't have the DNC I could get a blood clot and that could cause death. So - I suppose I'll bite the bullet and have a DNC if I absolutely have to. But, I'm still scared.

Moving on - If I have to have the DNC my mother might let my sister stay an extra week. Of course that means changing her bus ticket and making sure all is taken care of. We'll see tomorrow of course. Her tattoo ( which shocked me that she got one ) is healing rather well. Though due to the lotion she was using, and the itching that she felt during sleep it will need a touch up. Nothing too bad mind you. It's a beautiful tattoo. But I'm bias considering roses are my favorite flower.

My cousin Matthew is in Colorado currently visiting the family. Part of me certainly wishes I was there as well. However, since I'm not - I can only hope they are thinking fondly of me and that everyone is having fun.

The Princess Pea is doing great. She had a check up the other day and already she's up to 9 pounds and 1 ounce. She's only fifteen days old and already has gained two pounds. A weight gain they don't typically expect in babies until they are two weeks old. My child however has proven that she's VERY healthy and means to put on the weight to support such a life. I'm happy for it. The unfortunate thing is we're going through formula like crazy. Because a bottle every two hours ( at four ounces each ) isn't enough. I may have to bump her up to six ounces just to make her happy. Or, I might have to do what my Grandmother did for my Uncle and add some rice cereal to the mix. We'll see.

That's my minutes I suppose. Hope to be able to post good news soon about the out come of my DNC.

I'm surprised

I must admit I am shocked. Today - my half brother actually showed up. He's tried to make it out here a couple times prior. The first time He didn't make it. Claiming that he ran out of money for gas, and got lost. Of course I didn't hear that excuse until the Bug called him and chewed him out for not calling me and telling me since I waited around all day.

The second time He tried to come out He made it. However He came with His mother ( my step mother ) and she drove the whole way. That was on the ninth of June. The day Rebecca was actually due. Of course, they didn't stay too long. A few hours. But I honestly enjoyed their company. I was sorry that they came down and missed the "Big Event" however. I know they were hoping that she'd be born on my Fathers birthday.

Today however He made it down here. Not really alone however. He had a car full of His friends ( they had come from Toledo. A concert ) He didn't stay more than two hours ( bummer ) but I did get pictures of Him holding His niece. So at least there is that. And, as witnessed in the picture to the left - He brought something for Rebecca. Apparently His Grandmother ( on his mothers side ) made Rebecca a baby blanket. It's beautiful and far better than anything I've tried to make.

He picked on the Bug a bit. Always with the utmost supervision. ( they can't be trusted alone you see. What with the weird mutual crush they appear to have on each other ) We played hacky sack..and then He left. It wasn't anything special but it was nice of Him to at least stop by.

In other news - My little Pea is doing fine. Packing on the weight and seeming to enjoy the whole 'baby life' thing she's got going. She only has one hour a day where she's crying and nothing seems to make her happy. Usually at three to four am. Otherwise, I would say I lucked out and got a very happy and mellow baby. Of course, things are prone to change as she develops and gets older, but for now I'm happy to have a baby who is so mellow.

Princess Pea

Yet another day of being Mommy. Not that that's going to change anytime soon. I still marvel at the life I brought into this crazy world. How wonderfully perfect she seems to me. Already I find myself fiercely protective. But I suppose that's something that comes with giving birth. The basic need to protect and guide.

Had a nice conversation with my mother online last night. Nothing too deep mind you, but the topics covered were definately nice and truthfully it was nice to be able to talk to her about things. Even the mundane things that were going through my mind.

My sister is still here ( will be til the 30th ) and while I worry still that she is bored with being here...I try very hard to at least entertain her somewhat. Mainly she's been playing on the computers when she isn't needed for some help, chore or what have you. And, she's been doing me the favor of doing my hair so it's not on my neck ( which keeps me cool during the heat of the day ). I know I will cry when I send her off on the bus. And, I know that I will miss her desperately until I can see her again ( Christmas ) but at least I got to see her.

My brother claims He is coming out to meet His niece. However, I don't see it happening. Last time He tried to come out on his own He got lost. So the second attempt He made ( while I was still pregnant ) He had to bring His mother and let her drive out here. Which all in all wasn't bad. My step mother isn't a bad woman. And, she does make beautiful jewelry as a hobby.

Well, that's the news on my end. Though I must admit I suddenly feel like I'm babbling to the silent masses. Perhaps I am. HA!

Who knew?

Who knew Motherhood would be so great. Even when she's fussing I find myself completely thrilled at the presense of my daughter. I never knew there could be a love so strong, so wonderful. Yet - there it is. Staring me in the face.


Today has been a particularly mellow day. Lots of rest and recoup. Lots of feedings and diapers. But otherwise uneventful.

My sister has been a wonderful help. I'm fortunate that my Grandparents sent her out here to help me. She takes care of alot of the small tasks so that I might have more time taking care of and bonding with my daughter. Bless her heart.

That's the minutes I suppose.