YAY!!!!

Here I am in Colorado. Thank the heavens above for such wonders! Needless to say, I got here, and only found out afterward everything that's been going on. Go figure. HAHA. And then, to top it off - this last Wends...there was a HUGE blizzard. Pretty close to the blizzard of 03. Kinda scary.

Then, lets add something to that - The Eagle is worried I will find someone else before He gets out here. Now, I know I have a fickle nature, however....He's all I've thought about since He and I split many years ago. Sure, my life went on, but my mind still stuck on him. Why is this? Obsession? Love? Who knows. All I know, I will wait around for him. Wait for him to be able to get out here. I understand how the lack of fundage goes, and I am not about to throw a fit simply because He's not here. Even if I would love for him to be. I hope the Eagle understands my faith and commitment to this whole thing. If He doesn't, I suppose one day He'll fully comprehend it all.

I hope to see you all soon. Take care and have a Merry Christmas!!!

Last post, until I have a computer again

Here it is the 13th of December - The Princess Pea is officially 6 months old. YAY! She's cutting her first tooth ( on the bottom row of her jaw ) Today is also my LAST day in Hicksville Ohio. THANK GOD!! I can't wait to be home! I really can't wait. Tomorrow night, I will be home. With my family. With my daughter. And once more around those who know me better than most. So, I bid you all a fine fare well, and promise that eventually I will post once I am able. To those of you that I know read this - I will either see you soon, or I shall miss you dearly. To those of you who read this that I do not know, Bright Blessings and a Very Merry Christmas to you all.

Soon to be

Soon enough I leave. I can't wait to return Home. Home to my family. Home to things I know and understand. I leave the 14th, and arrive the same day at 6 pm. A five hour flight with my daughter ( and my cat...thanks to the Eagle ) and poof, there I'll be. I can't wait. I truly can't wait. I am soon to be gone from this place known as Hicksville, and once more back home in the wonderful Colorado. It seems to me that things are simply flying. Time, has sped up to an almost quick draw speed and I am left watching it all pass by. I'm excited, and nervous about returning home. Mainly because it's been a year and a couple months, and when I left I was a different person, than the one who is coming home now. I can't wait to see some people, but other people I would rather just avoid. My life and mentality has changed from what they once knew, and I am quite unsure that I have anything in common with those people anymore. I am looking forward to seeing the entirity of my family. And this year I get to see my cousin as well. Since we all pretty well figure this will be my grandfathers last Christmas, I think we're going all out to make it special. For him, and for us. I keep wondering idly how everything will go down. How many of my family will simply let me forget the negative stuff and enjoy the happiness ? How many of them will simply accept that I am a mother, and therefore it is I who will choose what is best for my infant daughter? I don't know. I know it will be a culture shock to all of them. After all, this is ME we're talking about. I seriously doubt they comprehend what to expect. And, if they do, I doubt they know to what extent. The only person who might have half a clue, is the Bug. After all, she was here the first month after the Princess Pea was born. So, why wouldn't she understand at least a little of my mothering skills. Nevertheless, I don't worry about her commentary, as much as I do my mothers, grandmothers, and my uncles wife. I just know someone is going to comment, and I am going to have to put them in their place. After all, this is my life - and my daughters life now. No one elses.

I shall be away from online for awhile ( except the spare moments I manage to use my sisters or grandfathers computer ) But, on the plus side - I will be home. I will be back with the people that, despite my worry and nervousness, I adore beyond measure.

So, while this is my last post for awhile, I do wish you all a wonderful Christmas. A happy new year, and all the blessings that come with it. May your days be merry and bright my friends.

P.S. All the wonderful Calvin and Hobbes comic strips, are humor. And, I honestly thought the Sandcatt might get a kick out of them if He still bothers to read my blog!

Lets say thanks

I believe, whole heartedly that we ought to send our thanks to the men and women fighting for our freedom. Our country, and our safety. So thinking, I have found a site where you can go, pick out a card to send, pick a message ( or write your own ) and have it sent. All FREE!

http://www.letssaythanks.com

These men and women of the service need to hear they are appreciated. That they are remembered. And most of all, that people are waiting for them to come home. Take a moment, and send the card. It will make someone's day brighter.

On another note - 3 days!! Only 3 days and I'm headed HOME! I can't wait. Truly, can't, wait!!

Shattered Illusions

With one movement. One idle thought. One misplaced hand, all illusions can be shattered. Such has happened. One I called friend, dearest friend, for a decade.....has wronged me worse than any other could ever do. Once, I thought being hit, being cheated on was the worst. Now, I know better. I was harmed in one way a woman can probably never forget. For it burns it's image upon my heart. My trust, is shattered. My illusions of the one who wronged me, are no more. I cannot forgive this readily. I cannot accept apologies. Such is the will that mangled this heart. How can I openly trust, again?

I don't know...

I don't know what to call this post, except idle ramblings once more. Though I must say thank you to my dear Tiger, for pointing out Counting errors. However, I hope He realizes that I was counting the day I was on as well. Either way, I never said I was good at math, infact I believe I always said the opposite. HA!

Today was spent mostly at Doctors appointments. Either for myself, or my daughter. Getting medical records, etc etc, so that when I get to Colorado I have all my ducks in a row so to speak. Not that I couldn't have gotten them later, it's just easier to get now. Instead of waiting. The Princess Pea is now officially longer than she is heavier. Which is to say, her weight has dropped in comparison to her length. YAY! Today she weighed in at 18 pounds, 27.5 inches. Not to shabby for a six month old. She is, as always, perfectly healthy. The only bane of today's appointment? Shots. I hate seeing them jab her with needles. And the crying she does due to such agony is just miserable on my heart.

Today, was also the visit from the At Home Nurse ( thanks to the Hospital's wonderful health care system - a true marvel all the things small towns do for babies ) The Princess pea was assessed and is once more ahead of the game. Doing things older babies are doing. Minus the crawling of course. Though, I don't think it will be long til that happens either. I had to let the home nurse know what was going on, and so it was the last visit. A shame, because I truly liked the at home nurse. She was great.

Moving on, got everything packed up, and ready to go. YAY. I honestly can't wait to be out of here. For numerous reasons. I'm trying not to be bitchy, complain or redundant, however I simply can't handle the way some people expect me to entertain them every waking moment. I do have an infant, therefore I do have something more important than kissing someone's ass. As usual, I'm ranting. Letting steam go. I find that this blog is wonderful for that.

9 days and counting.......ready yet?

( hope I got that right, or Tiger will give me no end of grief! )

11 days and counting

I really don't mean to continue posting EVERY single day til I hit Colorado. However, I find in my free time ( which is quite small all things considered ) that I need the time to vent. Vent frustrations about packing, moving. About the Rabbit. About the In-Laws. About everything. I try very hard to not worry about it. To say to myself my time here is short, therefore I don't really have to worry about much of anything. However, such stresses and small things are chipping away at my resolve. I find myself biting my tongue more often then not, simply to keep the peace. I just don't know what I am to do. Honestly. I don't know how to let it all roll off my back any other way. I suppose it all falls down to something we're all typically taught as children.

" If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all "

And so, that is what I've been trying to do. Trying in vain most times. But still trying. I was thinking of things I'd miss in Hicksville. Things that made this 'worth' it. I came up with a very small list. I'd miss my dear friend and her husband. I'd actually miss my neighbors. They've been wonderful people to know. I'd miss the quiet nature of this small town. The lack of crime, sirens and whatnot. I'd miss the simple pull that is quiet town life. However, the list of things I will NOT be missing, is so much longer than that. It's amazing really. While I rejoice in the quiet now and then, I can honestly say, I'll be glad to get back to a real city. A real life. Where lights can be seen 24/7. Where I can actually get my milk at 3 am if I have to. Where things, including grocery stores, are open on Sunday. Where my family is. Home is where the heart is, and while My Daughter and I make that heart beat - My Home...is with my insane, slightly obnoxious, definately dysfunctional family. How I love and miss them.

12 days and counting

Ok, so it's like the twelve days of Christmas. Only earlier for me. WAY earlier. I honestly can't WAIT to be in Colorado already. I will leave it at that, smile because I know my time here is short, and pray that all goes well for me til then.

On another note - I want to share the 12 Days of Christmas, Fire and Rescue Style. A loving Tribute to all those hard working Paramedic's AND EMT's out there, who very rarely get the thanks they deserve! Thanks so much guys and gals! You are indeed the reason many of us live another day!

On the First day of Christmas, my Dispatcher gave to me...

Grandma who fell and hurt her knee...

On the Second Day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me...
2 MG of Narcan for the out of work person who wants to end it all by taking her Husband's pain pills and won't tell me what she took and is feeling suicidal....

and grandma who fell and hurt her knee.

On the Third day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me....
Three stacked shocks for the 88 year old man who instead of paying the neighbor kid 5 bucks to shovel his driveway, decided to do it himself and have the big one in the driveway...

2 Mg of Narcan for the psycho chick trying to off herself...
and grandma who fell and hurt her knee..

On the Fourth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me....

4 AM in the morning I have to go to the nursing home because someone has had the flu for like 16 years and all of a sudden needs to go to the hospital....NOW,...

Three Stacked shocks for the full arrested popsicle,
2 MG of Narcan for Morphine eating Momma...
and Grandma who fell and hurt her knee....

On the Fifth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me...
Five minutes to eat.....

4 AM shuttle call,
Three stacked shocks,
2 MG of Narcan,
and Grandma who fell and hurt her knee....

On the Sixth Day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me....
Six run reports behind because the computer guy can't fix the system...

Five Minutes to eat!!!!!!!!!!
4 AM Shuttle,
3 zaps to the chest,
gonna have a stomach pumped,
and grandma who fell and hurt her knee...

On the Seventh day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me...Seven car pile up while everyone was trying to beat the light so they can get into Wal Mart the day after Thanksgiving thinking there is only 4 dancing Elmo Dolls...
six reports behind...

Five minutes to eat.......
4AM is way to early,
3 stacked shocks,
2 of Narcan Pushed,
and grandma who fell and hurt her knee....

On the Eighth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me....Eight flights of steps to walk up to get the 400 pound person who is having shortness of breath since LAST Christmas and can't walk...oh, and of course, the elevator doesn't work...

7 cars a crunching,
six reports a writing,
Five minutes to eat.
4 AM shuttle,
CPR in progress,
2 MG of Narcan,
and grandma who fell and hurt her knee...

On the ninth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me Nine blankets
needed to cover up grandpa because he is freezing and we aren't even out of the house yet but thinks he will get pneumonia and die for all of the 10 seconds we
are outside...

Eight flights of stairs,
should have stayed home and bought it off of Ebay,
six reports I'm writing...
Five minutes to eat.....
What the Hell time is it,
should have paid the kid,
2MG of Narcan,
and grandma who fell and hurt her knee.

On the Tenth Day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me...
Ten Minutes till I can get a bed in the ER because the nurses are busy figuring out who is going to lunch next....

Nine blankets needed,
Hope fire department is coming,
7 cars a crunching,
six reports I need to write,
Five minutes to eat...
Can't you wait till morning,
stick a fork in him, he's done,
Man I hope she shuts up...
and grandma who fell and hurt her knee.

On the Eleventh day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me....
Eleven times I tried to get the heat to work in the back of the truck
and maintainence won't take the truck in...

ten minutes waiting,
Nine blankets needed,
eight flights of steps to climb,
Hope you have Progressive,
Give me a new ink pen...
Five minutes to eat....
4 AM is early,
3 Leads all show he's dead,
2 MG won't touch her..
and grandma who fell and hurt her knee...

On the Twelth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me...
a 12 Gague IV needle that I put into the drunk 19 year old who tried to swing at me...

it's really freezing,
Hope you choke on your sandwich,
9 blankets for grandpa,
How did you get up here in the first place,
man your husband is gonna be pissed,
six reports STILL down...
five minutes to eat...
Better than taking them back,
Hope I recorded the code,
Man, just pass out already...
and grandma who fell and hit her knee...

Merry Christmas!!