It's official

I am moving this weekend! Calling all strong hands! HAHA. Just kidding, though I could use help moving one very akward couch. Anyway, I won't be online for awhile. But hope to have that back up and running ASAP. If anyone wants to see me, talk to me prior to that, you have my phone number, or know someone who does have it. Give a ring.

Again with the boxes!!

Finally found a place. 3 bedrooms. Ok neighborhood...but right in my price range. Which is, CHEAP! Showed Tiger today, though I wasn't sure if His reaction was a good thing, or a bad thing. Hope to move this weekend. IF everything works out as it should. I can pray..as I always do. So my friends, once more...after this weekend, I will have limited access for awhile. I will do all I can to not make it too long. But know, that I will...as always...return. Somehow, I can't seem to remain away from this place. This hellish pit of internet hell.

Idle Minds R Us

It's terrible when your mind becomes idle and you begin to think of things better left in the past. Yet, I find myself doing so. For yesterday, the past was brought full force into my mind. And it is on that I contemplate.
It's been years, since I thought so deep on choices. On things said, done and left undone. I remember what once was. How I felt. How I loved.
I can name, truly very few who touched my heart, my life. Yet still names come into my mind. Wondering.
Dragonfly, Tiger,Sandcat, Eagle and Foo.
These names mean little to most of you who might read this post. Yet, to me they will always mean something. For with them, a piece of my heart rests always. Thick or thin, I think of them always. Pray for them, dream of them, wish for them.
Dragonfly was the First. For He changed much about the way I saw things. The way I wanted things. He captured my innocence in a way that it could never be reclaimed. I lost Him, and to this day I wonder if I could have changed that. Had I begged, pleaded, broke down..would it have helped? If I had done so, would my life be different? So many questions that will ever remain unanswered. Ever be written in my heart, where no other can begin to understand the impact.
Sandcat...how dear he will always remain to me. The first to stand up and be heard. The first to protect and guide my heart. The first lover. The first deep emotion. The first star lit gaze. He got such a bad deal with me. I regret nothing, for I knew Him once. I still hear His laughter now and then when times get particularly bad. That laugh, His sparkling blues...they are a secret salvation. A glory in my heart.
Tiger...dearest love, sweetest man, wonderous friend. So many things to learn from Him. To this day, I still learn. He will always be with me, even when He isn't. We've missed so much. We've lost, so much. Can it be regained? Never. But it can be built upon. Made better. I won't lose Him again. No one can ask that of me. No one can ask me to say goodbye to the man who taught me to fight, to give quick retorts, to quip and lead with my right...not my left.
Eagle...so much love and pain mingled in one place. So much my heart aches for Him. So much my mind lets go. I love Him, and I hate him. How this is possible, I do not know. I know should He want me, I will be there. Should He need me, he has but to say my name. I want to pluck out his feathers and stick them up his nose...but I want to hold him, and tell him the world is not as cruel as he thinks. Then again...maybe he is right, and the world is a shiftless, bottomless pit.
Foo...so many memories. So many years. Keeper of things I've long since forgotten. Holder of many jokes and smiles. Patience. Loyalty. Adoration. Devotion. He is a quandry. A mystery. He is fidgity, restless, fickle. Yet honest, hardworking and true. Once called friend by the Rabbit, He is always just that. He is always by your side, even when you make a horrible choice. He always forgives, and always moves on. He's taught me comprimise, forgiveness, love. His rabbit hole of a mind, is dark and scary...yet even through the looking glass...He manages a bright smile.
I know not why I ramble so, yet such thoughts entered my brain, and they had to be released. Tiger, put so many things there. I must let it go, or it will fester.

Odd...

I never realized, that people might actually think me weird for being a mother. That people would have -gasp- never thought of me as one and find it strange and even odd. For as long as I can remember, I knew I wanted to have one child. Originally I wanted a boy. Strong and handsome. Blue eyed....instead, I got a darling, and charming little girl. Blue eyed. I can't possibly be happier. It just isn't possible for me. I know I will never have another one. I can't. That, is impossible. But I know I am glad I am a mother. Even if it does seem strange to other people. Now, for the news. What little I have. I have been most fortunate and blessed to see the Tiger. More than once. Heck, even more than five times. I'm starting to wonder! I enjoy my time with Him, and My princess pea seems to really enjoy Him as well. Could it be, that He and I are bonding again? I worry over the Tiger however. His lack of joy, happiness. Even when He laughs, it seems hollow. If there was something I could do, anything to bring back the sparkle to His eyes, the bounce to His step. Pluck Him from darkness and give Him forth to the light once more. I would in a heartbeat. There is no doubt. I will always worry of the Tiger. For regardless of what anyone might say, or think, He remains ever close to my heart. Even when I hate Him. It was also pointed out recently, that I fidget too much. I never thought myself to be a fidgeting person, but apparently I am. For I've heard it from more than once person. Perhaps I ought to buy stock in pen caps and coke bottle caps. Chewing on them mellows me, and I suppose it will for a long time. Anyway, Mothers Day is fast approaching. My first, and I am thrilled. So, to all you mothers out there...Happy Mothers Day. To all of you who have mothers, call them, give them a card, take them to lunch. Let them know that even though you aren't there with them every day, they are always in your heart. For truthfully, you will never know when they won't be. Brightest Blessings to you all.