Idle Minds R Us

It's terrible when your mind becomes idle and you begin to think of things better left in the past. Yet, I find myself doing so. For yesterday, the past was brought full force into my mind. And it is on that I contemplate.
It's been years, since I thought so deep on choices. On things said, done and left undone. I remember what once was. How I felt. How I loved.
I can name, truly very few who touched my heart, my life. Yet still names come into my mind. Wondering.
Dragonfly, Tiger,Sandcat, Eagle and Foo.
These names mean little to most of you who might read this post. Yet, to me they will always mean something. For with them, a piece of my heart rests always. Thick or thin, I think of them always. Pray for them, dream of them, wish for them.
Dragonfly was the First. For He changed much about the way I saw things. The way I wanted things. He captured my innocence in a way that it could never be reclaimed. I lost Him, and to this day I wonder if I could have changed that. Had I begged, pleaded, broke down..would it have helped? If I had done so, would my life be different? So many questions that will ever remain unanswered. Ever be written in my heart, where no other can begin to understand the impact.
Sandcat...how dear he will always remain to me. The first to stand up and be heard. The first to protect and guide my heart. The first lover. The first deep emotion. The first star lit gaze. He got such a bad deal with me. I regret nothing, for I knew Him once. I still hear His laughter now and then when times get particularly bad. That laugh, His sparkling blues...they are a secret salvation. A glory in my heart.
Tiger...dearest love, sweetest man, wonderous friend. So many things to learn from Him. To this day, I still learn. He will always be with me, even when He isn't. We've missed so much. We've lost, so much. Can it be regained? Never. But it can be built upon. Made better. I won't lose Him again. No one can ask that of me. No one can ask me to say goodbye to the man who taught me to fight, to give quick retorts, to quip and lead with my right...not my left.
Eagle...so much love and pain mingled in one place. So much my heart aches for Him. So much my mind lets go. I love Him, and I hate him. How this is possible, I do not know. I know should He want me, I will be there. Should He need me, he has but to say my name. I want to pluck out his feathers and stick them up his nose...but I want to hold him, and tell him the world is not as cruel as he thinks. Then again...maybe he is right, and the world is a shiftless, bottomless pit.
Foo...so many memories. So many years. Keeper of things I've long since forgotten. Holder of many jokes and smiles. Patience. Loyalty. Adoration. Devotion. He is a quandry. A mystery. He is fidgity, restless, fickle. Yet honest, hardworking and true. Once called friend by the Rabbit, He is always just that. He is always by your side, even when you make a horrible choice. He always forgives, and always moves on. He's taught me comprimise, forgiveness, love. His rabbit hole of a mind, is dark and scary...yet even through the looking glass...He manages a bright smile.
I know not why I ramble so, yet such thoughts entered my brain, and they had to be released. Tiger, put so many things there. I must let it go, or it will fester.