Monday, June 19, 2006

I'm in Awe


Everytime I hold her - everytime I look at her - everytime I feed her I can only think " I did this ". I never thought love could be something so strong as it is right now. The love a Mother has ( or should have ) for her child is amazing. Moreso than I could have ever expected.

Holding her tiny hand in mine, looking down into those smoky blue eyes, even listening to her cry for food, attention or a changing makes my heart soar.

I already have so many hopes for the Princess Pea. Mainly that she grows up enjoying her childhood. Enjoying life. That she learns all she can. That she is happy with whatever choices she makes, and that even when she thinks she hates me ( and she will ) she knows I love her.

Already I coddle her, cuddle her, spoil her. Already I find myself keenly protective and doating. It's only been six days. I know in the hospital the first night I was up until 2 am. When I fell asleep they came ( the nurses ) and took her from my room. I woke up at 4 am and freaked out. 'Where's my baby!!'. They brought her to me immediately.

Did my affection, adoration and love for her begin the second I gave birth? Or had it started long before that? I can't say for sure. I only know that she is the most important thing in the world to me and that no matter what ( good or bad ) I shall love her til my last breath.

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